dining 101 | dine well, dine right...

Dining Dictionary

Amuse-bouche : To amuse the mouth, a small tidbit to "wake up" your palette sent before dinner compliments of the Chef. Should be vegetarian or w/fin fish.

Beer : Either a lager (bottom-fermented) or an ale (top-fermented). Always order draft and never drink out of the bottle unless you are at a dive bar or a tailgate party.

Crop-dusting : What restaurant staff does to try to get you to leave when you have over-stayed your welcome.

Douche Bag : Self-entitled neanderthal. Belittles waiters and disrespects women (probably wearing Tommy Bahama shirt, chunky watch and facial hair).

Etiquette : the ability to function within society without offending others.

Fernet Branca : A "digestivo" produced in Milan. 
1. Consumed after a large meal it will make you feel good.
2. Well-known hangover remedy.

Gauche : Tactless. Not a good way to score that contract/job/second date.

Highball : A cocktail served in a tall (Collins) glass over ice.

I : A very simple word if over-used will not get you that job or laid.

Jagermeister : A german digestive made with 57 diferent herbs, fruits, barks, resins & seeds that shouldn't be ordered by anyone over 23 years of age (also goes for Midori, Goldschlager, Southern Comfort & Appletinis).

Ketchup : A tomato/vinegar/sugar/salt/spice condiment great with french-fried potatoes, onion rings, hash browns and grilled cheese sandwiches (and nothing else...).

Latte : Means milk in Italian...you probably meant to order a "caffe latte" ('cafe au lait' in french). Espresso or coffee with a whole lot of steamed milk. Great for breakfast but that's a lot of steamy dairy product for after lunch or dinner...don't you think?

Martini : A Martini is gin and dry vermouth served "up" or "on the rocks" with an olive garnish or a lemon twist (with a tiny white onion it would be a "Gibson"). You can make it with vodka for a "vodka martini". If you just want cold vodka or gin in a martini glass it is ordered "up". It is no longer a proper martini.

Neat : Way to order a liquor undiluted by mixer or ice. "Neat & Nervous" is how you order it when you want it served in a "rocks" glass.

On the rocks : way to serve liquor over ice without mixers. If you ordering, say, a gin & tonic it is uneccessary to indicate "on the rocks".

Pescatora, alla : "Fisherman's style". All the scrap and trim from last week's fish orders and anything else laying around on Sunday night put in a spicy tomato sauce and served over pasta sold to Sunday night diners (God bless them for helping the Chef make his food-cost).

Question : It's how the waiter finds out what you want. If he asks you a direct yes/no question you must answer with a direct yes or no. The waiter doesn't need to know why you don't desire another drink, he just needs to know if you want one or not.

Riesling : The best white wine in the world (just ask any Sommelier). Have you tried it with any asian cuisine, charcuterie, lunch? How about just by itself when you are in the hot-tub with a friend?

Sake : Often called Japanese rice wine, it's actually closer to beer in that it is made with fermented grain (rice). High quality sake should be consumed chilled, just like white wine.

Tea : Favorite beverage of "high-maintenance" guests. Tell the waiter if you prefer black, green, oolong or white tea. Or do you prefer a "tisane" (herb tea). Or do you prefer iced tea. Tell the waiter exactly what you take with it. p.s. green tea is good for you, just don't put sweetener or milk in it...that's gross.

Up : Liquor chilled and served in a martini glass. Clear liquors are usually shaken, brown liquors are usually stirred.

V.I.P : Also known as "px". The restaurant will know who you are. It's for them to decide, not you...sorry.

Waiter : The person between you and your food/drink. You probably want to be nice to them.

Xenophobia : Fear or hatred of foreigners. You would have this too if you have been "stiffed" thousands of times by these folks over the years.

Yelper : Over-privileged self-indulgent person with too much time on thier hands.

ZAP tasting : Where you go on a Saturday afternoon in January to watch drunk yuppies with purple teeth pick up on each other. 

86'd : 1. When the kitchen or bar runs out of something. 2. When you get kicked out (unwritten rule: you can probably come back after a year has passed).

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